


Amor fati

by reversetheuniverse



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 09:48:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1894503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reversetheuniverse/pseuds/reversetheuniverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's a mangled mess at the tips of your toes and it wouldn't be the first time you've found her a wreck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amor fati

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so for those of you who read my other stuff, I apologize, I'm gonna take a short break after writing this one because this one was a little more in depth than my other stuff, at least for me figuring out details and what not. It's mostly sadstuck but there are fluffy moments and definitely plenty of funny moments in here, for sure. It is long, and it is only one chapter long, but enjoy it anyway! :)

==> Be Dave Strider.

She's a mangled mess at the tips of your toes and it wouldn't be the first time you've found her a wreck. This time it's different. It's not your chest being caressed by the sharp sting of lead from her own rifle, gently gliding droplets of crimson butterflies a perpetual rainfall around you. It's not her weeping waterfalls of salty tears over your cadaver, her desperately pressing her index and middle finger to any available vein searching for a pulse, a faint lifeline. It's not her lips grazing over yours as gingerly as achievable, fighting for any last chance in the realm of certain impossibility to bring back a single, miniscule breath of life inside you.

No, it's quite, very much so, to the extreme,

_the opposite._

You instinctively reach out to touch her, elevating her nape so that her limp body is bolstered. Although her skin has always been cold to the touch, it mimics a bitter frost, one that might whip at the eyes during an ardent tempest. You know she's not there, but you brush the hair out of her cracked-porcelain face and call to her as emphatically as attainable, attempting to shatter through into her dissipating reality. You try her trick that she once used, pressing your volcanic, rugged heat to her astringent, arctic chill. She's unresponsive to the gentle trace of your jagged rocks upon her feathery cushions, and you swear you feel your heart sink like the Titanic, descending down into murky unchartables. You suddenly feel your mind begin to swell with a displeasing ache, trying to calculate _what went wrong what timeline do I fix would I mess up the flow of things do I even care?_

You're abruptly pushed aside like a gust of wind, and you almost dare to scream curses at it, but your voice finds no reason as you watch the sylph assume direct control. She turns to face you and mutters something along the lines of, _"I can fix her,"_ , but your ears are muffled by the waves of internal screeching your own mind has produced. It's as if nails were being scathed upon a chalkboard, the sensation that infinitely rises up and down your spine.

You watch Kanaya as she places one hand delicately upon Jade's sternum and the other upon her forehead, skin suddenly luminescent. You start to wonder if her way of healing can be likened to that of Hindu chakras, feeling the flow of energy that courses through a single person's body. You've never had penchant towards spiritual beliefs, nor do you ever plan to, but at the moment, you'll postulate almost any anomoly in order to tie her existence back to this world.

You wait out unnerving secondsminuteshours for her to give the final verdict, what the likelyhood of air passing through her lungs once again would be. It itches at your skin lingering onto the time that ticks by ( _you can feel every second of it within your head, the pendulum swinging ceaselessly in your veins_ ) and you almost dare to catch sight, but something tugs at your stomach to _be patient_ , and you remain in your position, embracing your legs for comfort, letting your eyelids weigh heavily with drowsiness.

A light tap brings you back to consciouness, a faint smile playing upon her vampiric face. You notice that Jade has vanished, pandimonium striking terror in your heart briefly when you think she's melted snow, gone for good. Kanaya aids you in rising, gingerly brushing dirt off your cape, her ingrained maternal instincts jumpstarting.

"She's alright, Dave. She did have us worried there, for quite a bit, but she was still hanging on by a single thread. She wasn't ready to let go just yet. We had to relocate her quickly, though, just in case the Condesce's control on her returned. We figured that if we moved her out of the area into our secret compound to recover she would be safe. For now, I suggest we regroup there," she explains softly. Your mind spins with strings of unfamiliar words. _Secret compound? Regroup?_ You start to wonder if you had disappeared for almost an enternity, taking a brief respite. She tugs at your shirt in order to gain your full attention once again, pointing north into the thick mass of trees. You nod your head and tailgate her, not making a single utterance the entire trek over.

\----------------------------------

Being compound-bound has boiled you a billion times your normal thermal index, and you can barely stand the feeling of sweat clinging your garments tightly to your skin. You decide that, for once, the world would probably still exist ( _haha, you like making jokes about Earth's non-existent state_ ) if you put the god tier pajamas to rest, only for the sake of your own comfort. You settle with your normal garb, or at least, your normal garb before shit hit the fan. Your scratched record shirt has certainly seen better days, but it is clean, regardless, and not stained with diaphoresis from an unforseen chain of unfortunate circumstances.

You are able to locate your small room for the time being ( _Jade must've built this compound after the incident, due to you having to take shelter in the stinging cold snow, something that seems to have evaporated due to the intensity of the volcano nearby_.) You make sure to close the door behind you before stripping down to your undergarments. You slide out of the articles of clothing strenuuously as they desperately clinch to your skin. You are the victor of the battle, in the end, and your shirt and pants release their death grip on your pale exterior. You don the worn cotton of a forgotten era, the sweet release of drained pores free from your skin. Your pants are a bit tighter than you remembered, not because of extraneous weight ( _god knows you barely even have time to have a goddamn glass of water every day_ ), but because of pure muscle and added height, a blessing of puberty, a curse of time. You're still able to cope with the constricting fabric, still loose enough for you to move around in.

Once you've had a moment to breathe, to cool down from over-exertion, you abandon your room, strolling quietly throughout the hall. You hear the faint muffle of shouting, no doubt from your good ol' companion, Karkat, and shake your head, rolling your eyes at his ludicrosity. Your eyes scan the doors for the symbol (poorly rendered drawings by Karkat) belonging to Jade, reaching out to twist the cold metal of the doorknob once you've located it.

Only a lamp sheds an adequate amount of light inside the dim room, but it still allows you to catch sight of her. You shut the ajar door behind you silently before making your way over to your fallen friend's bedside. You stand and watch her for a moment, eyeing the steady rise and fall of her chest as she holds onto her unwaking slumber. You spot a chair resting in the corner of the room and pull it beside her bed, setting yourself down onto it comfortably. You make no intention of leaving the room for quite a while.

\-----------------------------------

==>Be Karkat Vantas.

Holy fuck, have you guys been through the shitter. You make a mental head count of everyone: _one_ battered Witch of Space, _one_ rattled Knight of Time, _one_ subjugated Seer of Mind, _one_ panicked-as-fuck Knight of Blood, and _three_ calm-as-fuck heroes of Light, Space, and Breath. The odds for any single one of you getting out anywhere alive were increasingly thin as a sliver, if that sliver were the size of an atom. How fucked you really were seemed colosally tipping on the other side of the spectrum.

"We need to figure out a course of action," you announce to the eagerly awaiting ( _beat, bored_ ) team of near-adults in front of you. Terezi utters a long, drawn-out groan, emphasizing it out of sheer willingness to get onto every single one of your goddamn nerves. She remains decked out to the nines in bandages that cover her left bicep, right forearm, and chest. It had slipped your mind that she was sitting in front of you, practically bare. You feel a horrible gust of warmth ascend to your cheeks, causing you to clench your jaw with anger. You will _not_ allow yourself to have any sort of infatuation, regardless of the quadrant it crept into. You had more important duties to fulfill, ones that required saving your asses instead of fantasizing about the girl of your dreams.

"Nubs, can we just take a day to rest? I mean, we have a super secret hideout that the enemy doesn't know about. They're not gonna sit around waiting for us to formulate a plan of attack, that's for sure," she points out. You growl at her new nickname for you.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" John, who had previously slipped into a state of unconsciousness jolted awake from the echo of screeching that entered his ears.

"Whoa, man. Take it easy, alright?" he holds his hands up, palms facing you.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a Knight of Rage," Terezi cackles. Before you have a second to rebut, Kanaya politely steps into conversation.

"She's right, Karkat. We need time to rest. We just barely escaped hellfire and we need some time to recouperate, especially since two of our people are out of comission right now," she insists.

"What are you talking about? I'm not out of comission!" Terezi rises, pounding her fist on the table with brute force.

"I was talking about Dave," she raises her brow. Terezi slowly sits back down, no one daring to comment on Kanaya's harsh but truthful statement. She was right: Dave was too frazzled to think clearly, his mind clouded with Jade's recent demise. A pang of hurt struck your chest thinking about it, despite you not harboring any red feelings towards her anymore. She was still a friend, a friend that suffered a terrible, horrible twist at the hands of fate. Knowing that she was okay settled you, though, enough to allow you to continue formulating plans for the path of success.

"I still think that we need to come up with a plan for the next day or two," you propose. "To at least set it aside when we're ready to take a course of action." The table silently acquiesces, leaving you full of relief that your suggestion would not be debated for once. "We'll need all our able-bodied cohorts in order to start brainstorming. Where the fuck is Strider?"

"I think he is currently busy attending to Jade by remaining at her bedside for companionship. I believe I spotted him slip into there silently, earlier," Kanaya answers. You press your hand to your brow and heave an elongated sigh.

"Someone go get fucking Loverboy over in there."

"I'll go do it!" John springs up from his seat, almost a little too eager to leave the meeting. However, Rose reaches over and gently pats him on the shoulder, aiding him in returning him back to the chair.

"Let me go," Rose states. No one questions her decision and she vanishes out down the hall, retrieving her ecto-brother.

\---------------------------------

==>Be Dave Strider.

You spend a good ten minutes just watching her silently as she remains unresponsive in slumber. You want so desperately to wake her up just so that the words _"I'm alright"_ can escape from her lips into your auditory canal to give you relief at last. You don't disturb her, however, and instead tactfully pick up her hand, tracing your fingertips over every ridge and callus that manifested iteself from years of rifle use, you're assuming. You notice her shift as she stirs in her sleep, her lips contorting upward into a small smile as her hand tightens its grip on yours. It galvanizes the creaky gears of your heart almost instantaneously and you don't dare emancipate its hold on yours. With your other hand you thread your fingers through her thick strands of ebony hair, removing it from its spot on her face.

"Dave, I need to speak with you briefly." You're startled by the sudden interruption of your intimate moment with Jade, turning to face none other than your ectobiological sister, Rose. Her face is burdened with a pinch of grief for Jade and a splash of concern for you. You glance over at Jade once more before rising to join Rose outside in the hallway. The two of you slide out of the room silently, holding the door as you close it behind you.

"What do you want?" you inquire with a hoarse voice, leaning against the wall. It occurs to you that this is the first time you have spoken in hours, your voice having taken a brief vacation, with anguish in place instead. Rose reaches over to set one hand on your shoulder lightly, a warm gesture, certainly for her.

"We need you to discuss our next plan. I wouldn't make you come under any normal circumstances, but--" You cut her off.

"I'll be fine." Her eyes narrow, scrutinizing your expression for any slight hint of falsification. You know she sees right through your facade, but says nothing, only offering you a slight nod.

"Alright, let's go return to our esteemed leader Shouty McNubs before he throws another temper tantrum," she turns on her heel. You chuckle slightly at her sarcastic quip, knowing fully that she could be the only one to get even a sliver of cheerfulness out of your stoic nature.

Rose enters into the room where your other companions reside, you trailing behind her. When you reach the room you notice that all eyes are on you, making you feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, naked. Three things that you absolutely detest. You lean against the frame of the doorway, arms crossed, awaiting further instruction.

"Thanks, Rose, for retrieving Strider here," Karkat praises her. He turns to face you. "Are you gonna sit with us?" You shake your head.

"Nah, I'm comfortable just standing here," you insist. Karkat pouts ( _you know he just likes having all the attention centered around him, and he knows you're only fucking with him_ ) and reverts his focus back to the table of people seated around him.

"Alright, we need to start thinking of things we can do. We could take things down one at a time," he suggests.

"Well, what is there to take care of, still?" John asks.

"We've got a bitch that's dropping houses on people, a brainwashed heiress, an insane clown who I'm frankly not that worried about, and a Condesce who is without a doubt not too far from reach," Karkat answers him.

"Has the Condesce sent any reinforcements yet?" Rose interjects.

"Yes, we've spotted her Crocker drones out and about. Those things are nasty as hell, I can tell you that," Terezi growls.

"Then we start with those," Karkat orders. "We'll split up into teams of two and tackle as many of those bastards as we can get our mits on. I'll be with Terezi, Kanaya is with Rose, and John is with Dave. We're gonna have someone start out, so Dave will take that on. You good with being pushed into the front line, Strider?" he turns to you, eyeing you with extreme caution. You know he's just testing your limits, wondering if you're as swift and cunning as you claim you are. He wants to know if you're stable, like everyone else in the whole goddamn room is wondering silently to themselves.

"I'm game," you deadpan. You catch sight of quick grimaces from John and Rose, ones that disappear once you glance in their direction.

"Good. We'll go out tomorrow, then. Meeting adjourned," Karkat slams his fist on the table as if it were a gavel. You abandon your post at the doorframe with haste and make your way back to Jade's quarters.

You peer in around the door, your heart leaping when you find her upright on her bed, reading a book. She glances up when she hears a slight _creak of the door (her supersonic hearing probably acquired when she became half-dog_ ) and her eyes light up like a Christmas tree. You send her a small wave and she bounds over quickly, enveloping you in a warm, loving embrace.

"Dave! I've missed you so much!" she bubbles with excitment, comparable to a rattled champagne bottle ready to burst. Your awkward hands fumble over what to do and finally settle around her on her shoulder blades. Pressed up against her now, you can feel her heart beating this time, fluttering about as if notes played upon a flute. You imagine that she is busy comparing yours to that of a bass drum, wildly about to burst out of your chest. Eventually she snakes her way out of the embrace, leaning back to scan your features. One corner of her mouth twists upward, her pearly buck-teeth peeping out in full light. She carefully tucks a stray strand of hair out of her face, her sea-green eyes as tumultuous as the ocean itself.

"You're alright?" you mumble, intending to make it clearer than came out. You know she's fine, you can see her perfectly halcyon in front of you, but your mind still nags at you, wanting to hear those words uttered from her mouth herself.

"I'm alright." Her words are airy, making you question whether or not your are in reverie. You feel your chest heave out a gratifying sigh of relief from an unbearable weight lifted from your chest. You don't risk articulating a single word for a minute, not desiring to ruin the moment at hand. Instead, the two of you remain still, refusing to break eye contact with each other. Her face softens and her mouth occasionally hangs agape, wanting to shatter the silence with maxim, but she refrains, vying you to make the first move. With the ball in your court, you muster up the most important thing on your mind.

"You're alive." She giggles ( _why would she giggle at a time like this you are serious_ ) and tugs on your sleeve, pulling you to sit down on your chair from before. You oblige, placing yourself comfortably in your chair while she jumps onto the bed, landing with a delicate _plop_.

"You know, I'm glad you're the first person I get to see. It's been quite a while since we really talked!" she jubilates. Her comment makes you remember that, aside from her Grimbark confessions with you, she hadn't talked to you for a matter of three years. Three years was more than ample time to be without conversation with one of your oldest and dearest friends. She pouts when you don't respond to her. "Why are you being so quiet?"

"It's been a long time," you finally answer. "I just don't know what to say anymore."

"Well, for starters, you can ask me how I am!" she exclaims, poking you in the side.

"Okay, then, I'll bite. How is life going for fucking baller Jade Harley?" She grins when she hears your true form of vernacular seep through the cracks of your cold exterior and you offer her a side-smirk in return. She practically leaps with enthusiasm.

"I'm glad you asked! Well, since I can remember, before unforseen circumstances could apply, I was actually doing great! It wasn't altogether a terrible three years on that ship," she gushes eagerly. "Of course, I missed you and Rose like mess, and so did John, but we're here together again now, aren't we?"

"Yeah, I guess we are," you breathe, realizing that she's right. This is the first time the four of you have been in close proximity with each other, just enough where you could call for them down the hallway and they'd bound right over.

"How was life on the meteor for you? Anything exciting happen?" she asks. You close your eyes for a moment, trying to recollect all your memories into one coherent explanation. You open them back up, facing her again.

"Well, for starters, the Mayor was there . . . I'm sure you remember pushing him off a roof?" She frowns, recalling the memorie, for sure.

"Yeah . . . sorry about that." You shrug.

"It's all good, he's fine. Anyway, lemme tell you, that guy is the fucking bomb. You missed out on the Mayor and Can Town, and Rose getting drunk and destroying Can Town . . . "

"Rose got drunk?! I thought she said she'd never be like that?" Jade raises a brow.

"Oh yeah, she started alchemizing that shit like we we were in the 1920s during Prohibition," you remark. Jade giggles.

"So what else happened?"

"Well, Karkat and I became bros, Kanaya and Rose started dating, uh, Terezi and I started dating--"

"Oh, you two are dating now?" she says in a deflated tone.

"No, no, no," you wave your hands fantically. "That ended a while ago when I found out she was 'down with the clown', so to speak," you reassure her quickly. She lights back up a little, as if she was a computer rebooting, the loading screen already up. "Other than that, not much happened. Oh yeah, I also made a bunch of ill raps," you add.

"So cooooool!" Jade bounces up and down, clapping her hands. "I can't say that we did a lot of exciting things besides playing this weird Ghostbusters game that John had. You missed his mental breakdown, so there's that. It was kind of sad, like he was a forty-five year-old man experiencing his midlife crisis before his hair had even begun to gray."

"Heh, what did he do?"

"Well, he started shitting on Con Air, saying it was basically the worst movie of all time, then went beserk when I told him Davesprite had dumped me claiming that we were the 'rock of this ship' and whatnot. Then he got _really_ pissed at Davesprite and ran into the driveway yelling, 'STRIDEEEEEEEEEEERRRR!', and then took a nap," she says, reenacting the scene as she goes along.

"He took a nap in the driveway?" you ask, dumbfounded.

"Pretty much." You yawn and stretch your arms behind you, leaning on the bed to rest your head on your arms.

"Go on, what else happened," you tell her. She begins rambling on about her three years apart from you and you feel your lids fall heavy with sleep, finally relaxing for the first time in a long, long while.

\----------------------------------

==>Be Jade Harley.

He fell asleep with his head on your mattress hours ago, drowsiness finally catching up with the Knight of Time itself. Dave's always been a heavy sleeper, at least, when he was in desperate need of a siesta or two. He passed out, during your yarn about life on the golden airship for three extensibly prolonged years, and you don't mind one bit. You find that you cannot shut your eyes just yet, not since you've only just awoken. You've got too much normality, or rather, semi-normality to catch up on, and sitting in absolute silence is sufficient enough for now.

You watch over Dave's still-as-a-corpse body with curiosity, wondering if he did the same whilst you were taking the snooze of your life. You eventually reach out your fingers carefully, letting them snake their way through the thin, honey blond strands of his hair. He doesn't shift once, so you continue threading your fingers through its fluffy texture.

You feel a twinge of ache, recalling yourself back to the duration of your relationship with Davesprite. There was many a moment when you would rustle your fingers through his hair, or perhaps ruffle the feathers that danced around his neck. You remind yourself that this is _not_ Davesprite, this is Dave. This Dave clung onto this timeline as if his life depended on it, desperately attempting to terminate his days of endless traveling and looping into other doomed ones. His was a completely seperate corporeal entity, less bitter about his turn of events than Davesprite was, despite how he detested the outcome. You know for certain that he wasn't bitter about your almost-death. No, it was something much different, quite the opposite: he was worried.

You giggle to yourself, thinking how ridiculous it seems that Dave would be worried, at least more than your other friends were. You suppose it had to do with the fact that the others were a little more preoccupied with other things, but then again, Dave never left your side when possible. Not even once.

There were plenty of things you don't understand about the enigma that is Dave Strider, but you presume that you'll find out, in due time. At least, you hope so.

\-----------------------------------

"STRIIIIIIIIIDEEEEEEEEERRRR!!!!!!!! WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU ARE IT'S TIME TO INITIATE THE PLAN!!!!!" Karkat's sceeching voice pushes itself in through your room, making you and Dave bolt upright from the bed. You yawn and stretch your arms back over your head, your shirt pulling upward, stomach peering out. You glance over at Dave, swearing almost for a second that a splotch of red had graced his face.

"What is the supposed 'plan' he's talking about?" you inquire. He rises from the chair abruptly, clearing his throat and averting his face from you. "Dave? What is the plan?" you raise the tone in your voice, pressing further.

"We're gonna go try and take out some of the Condesce's drones," he confesses. Your eyes widen.

"What?! That's crazy! You can't do that!" you yell, jumping out of bed. He continues to not make eye contact, but you stare him down regardless, forcing him to look your way. "Why didn't you tell me? Let me come with you!"

"No, you can't do it. Only able-bodied people can come." He heads for the doorway, reaching to turn the cold, brass knob.

"I am able-bodied!" you protest, stamping your foot as if you were a three year-old throwing a temper tantrum. He emanates an elongated breath before answering you.

"No, you're _not_." He attempts to twist the knob once again, but this time you reach out to grab his wrist. He turns to face you this time, his face expressionless. Your face settles with distress this time, furrowing your brows and peering at him with the sincerest, melancholy eyes you can muster.

"Dave, don't go," you whimper. It isn't a plead, so much as an order, a barely audible order, but his face remains stoic as always ( _god, you LOATHE that expression; it's as if it's the only expression he's capable of producing_ ). After half of a minute of silence he departs from the room, deserting you to join the rest of the relentless fools on their suicide mission. Your heart weeps from his abandonment, longing for his heat to return to you in this lonely room.

You shake that notion from your head and sit yourself on the bed, crossing your arms. This time your veins sear with irritation. You hate that mostly every day Dave Strider only has one switch, eternally pointing upward at 'heartless', with the very rare occasion when he flips it off, allowing his emotions to pour through. He can't show you an iota of affection, because cool guys are supposed to remain stringent at all possible times. They can't harm their reputation, not even for someone they might care for. You wish he wasn't so damn impossible to deal with all the time.

Then again, if Dave Strider began showing emotion, who would he really be?

\---------------------------

A sudden _crash_ of metal jostles you immediately, alerting you of the team's return to the base. You exit your room and lean against the door frame, awaiting the return of Dave to your side, perhaps to maybe apologize, now that his mission was over.

"Get him to his room, now!" You hear Rose's voice from up the hallway, and again as she flies by quickly, a gust of wind following her. Your heart sinks as you watch with horror when the rest of the team rushes by, caring none other than

Dave. Freaking. Strider.

You run out of your room and scurry down the hallway, breathing heavily when you spot a trail of blood leading up to his room. John, Karkat, and Terezi stand by the doorway outside, silently conversing with each other, only lifting their heads when they spot you.

"Step aside, I need to see him," you strain your voice desperately.

"Jade, you _can't_ go in there," John frowns sorrowfully, maintaining his post at the door. You suddenly aggregate all the strength you have into trying to push your way through to the door, but John holds his weight against yours, striving to hold you off until you desist. You eventually give in, pressing your face into his chest, retching muffled sobs into his shirt.

"I _knew_ it was dangerous," you whimper into his chest. He sets his head atop your head and strokes your hair, doing his best to keep you calm as you wait to see what happens.

"I know, Jade," John coos. "I know."

\-------------------------------

==> Be Dave Strider.

Your name is Dave Strider, right? You've lost a _whole lot_ of blood within the past few hours or so, leaving your mind hazy as fuck. You still manage to gain consciousness, once again, and you attempt to sit up to assess the damage to your abdomen. You wince as you belt out a cry of pain, promptly falling back onto your bed. Rose rushes inside your room quickly, attending to you when she notices you're awake.

"So you're awake now?" she asks, shifting your bandages around to check for any infection of the wound.

"Yeah, can I get some drugs?" you mutter. She huffs, turning to search a bag set on your chair for something. She manifests a small vial of something and hands it to you. It contains an unpleasant-looking green substance of some sort, liquid in appearance.

"Drink this," she instructs. You do as she says, taking the cork off the vial and tipping the glass into your mouth. The green liquid slides down your throat and you stick out your tongue in response. It's absolutely, nauseatingly unsavory, the aftertaste of the bitter liquid remaining in the back of your throat as you gag.

"Don't be a baby, Strider. You can handle a stab to the gut but you can't handle a little medicine?" Rose raises her brow at you. You narrow your eyes, unamused. She turns to exit the room, but halts right as she reaches the door, as if she'd forgotten something. "Oh yeah, Jade's going to see you shortly."

You choke on your spit as she leaves. It had slipped your mind that a meeting with Jade would be inevitable. You had been way too harsh and distant with her before you left with everyone else to go on your escapade. You hit yourself in the head mentally, remembering that you never even told her goodbye before you departed and almost got yourself killed. You suspect that Jade will be furious with you, and your suspicions are confirmed when she enters your room, silent as can be.

She keeps her gaze steady with the floor, as if it had eyes and she was trying to be the victor in an ongoing staring contest with it. You furrow your brows with concern, hating yourself for being a total asshole towards her earlier.

"Jade, I--" you begin, but she holds up her hand to silence you.

"You almost _died_ ," she squeaks, rubbing away a stray tear that's racing down her cheek. "I could have lost you." You reach your hand out towards her, beckoning for her, but she turns on her heel and sprints out of the room, leaving it wide open. You lay your head back down on your pillow immediately, staring upward at the ceiling and scolding yourself for just existing.

You were truly a shit-head.

\-----------------------------

The medicine activates a couple of hours later, well enough to let you function properly without feeling like you're going to snap like a twig. You slowly sit upright, dangling your legs off your bed. You notice that, during your brief slumber, Rose had taken the liberty of attending to your arms, as well, making sure that not a single scratch or slice had been left uncovered. Small gestures like that remind you that Rose is not totally heartless, not like you tended to be sometimes. _Another gentle reminder that she's all the positive things you're not_ , you think to yourself. You lift yourself off of the matress carefully, so as to prevent yourself from slipping a disc or causing internal bleeding after you've only just been stitched up.

You attempt to make your trek outside, only pausing when you overhear a muffled conversation from aside your door. You soundlessly twist the knob, cracking the door so that only a sliver of the world beyond can be seen. The conversation becomes ten times clearer, now with you having the ability to distinguish who is doing the talking. Rose and Jade are discussing something with each other, the tone of their voices stolid and somber. You know it's rude, but you eavesdrop regardless.

"What happened to him?" Jade's voice emanates from the hall.

"Karkat put him up at the frontline, the ignorant fool. He did it because he didn't think Dave was ready to fight quite yet and Dave recognized it and didn't want to be called weak so he did it. They're both pretty imbecilic, if you ask me," Rose replies. "Anyway, he went out there and basically got himself killed. Stabbed right in the chest, almost cleared straight through him. He's a lucky bastard, I'll tell you that."

"I just don't understand. I thought that maybe I could stop him, that maybe he cared about me a decent amount that when I said 'enoughs enough', he'd return to me," Jade proclaims sullenly.

"He has a Virility Complex, Jade. He's been taught from a young age that he has to do things, take responsibility for them, or to 'man up' about things. He can't handle things such as feelings, whether they be romantic or platonic. He's shut himself off emotionally," Rose explains. You raise your brow at 'Virility Complex'. It only confirms your hunch that Rose had been analyzing your psyche from the start.

"Yeah, or maybe he doesn't really like me like I thought," Jade sighs.

"Oh, I wouldn't count that out just yet. You can never know something about a person until you find a way to peel back each and every layer," Rose encourages her friend.

"You already know a lot about him!" Jade exclaims.

"That's because I've done plenty of peeling, believe me. Besides, it's my job to naturally dissect the inner mechinations of people's minds," Rose says.

"I don't know if I can handle any more peeling, Rose. It gets old after a while. Maybe I should just give up." The hall becomes silent, only for a moment.

"If that's your decision, then that's very brave of you. You don't have to wait around for anybody who doesn't recognize what great of a person you are." After that, the conversation shifts to another topic, topics you'd rather not discuss yourself, and you fasten the door, returning to sit on your bed and swallow the information you just witnessed.

Your mind pokes at you, alarmed with Jade's comment, _"Maybe I should just give up."_ You berate yourself for being a complete and total dickwad, for not thinking about her and thinking of yourself, instead. Of course she'd want to give up on an insufferable prick like you. You don't have a clue as to how to manifest your feelings and emotions in to words, let alone direct those words towards another person. Your mind suggests, _she deserves better anyway_. You force that information out of your brain, because _no_ , you are _not_ Davesprite, and you wouldn't in a million years tell her that she deserved better. The only thing she deserves is a guy that can better himself for her sake, in order to be somebody that can be deemed worthy enough for her. You lay back down on your bed, pressing your hands to your temples, mentally preparing yourself for dealing with your emotions for once in your eighteen years of existence.

\------------------------------------

A small rap at the door arouses you almost immediately, lifting you from your restless night of sleep. You rub your eyes drowsily, pushing yourself up from the bed to attend to the awaiting anonymous visitor. The rap comes from the door again and you mutter, "I'm coming, I'm coming," under your breath twisting brass to pull the wooden door open abruptly. Your breath shallows when you find a solemn Jade standing in your doorway, this time without salty tears brimming at her eyes. You gesture for her to step inside and she obliges, entering in to your (not so) humble abode. You fasten the door and turn to face her, awkward silence squeezing itself between the two of you. You stuff your hands in your pocket, scanning everywhere in the room that isn't remotely around her. She finally finds the courage to speak up.

"We need to talk." You realize the inevitable has arrived, welcoming itself as if it were a dear, old friend. You offer her a slight head nod and pull her up a chair by your bed, echoing the effect of what you had previously done inside her own room, only this time without fluffy reunion intentions. She seats herself down in the chair gracefully, sliding her fingers together and placing them on top of her lap. You set yourself on the edge of the mattress in front of her, facing her in order to discuss whatever problems you both had on your plate.

"What can I do for you?" you inquire of her, slapping yourself mentally afterward. ( _God, you sound like a fucking Walmart employee_.) She is not seemingly amused, and with due cause.

"Dave, I just . . . don't . . . get you," she hesitates with each word, carefully choosing them as if they were fruits from a grocery store. "First you seem like you're worried and care for me, and then you shut me out and go to try and get yourself _killed_ , and now your entire abdomen is covered in bandages, I mean, _god_ , Dave, I would've--" You cut her off.

"I know. I'm sorry for making you worried about me, Jade," you apologize to her, the sincerest tone apparent in your voice.

"I . . . what?" she furrows her brow, face puzzled. "I don't understand what you're--"

"I shouldn't have left you behind. It was selfish of me, and I'm sorry," you reiterate.

"It's okay," she manages to utter the words slowly, trying to formulate what else to say in her head. "I just . . . I just can't imagine you not being in my life, you know? I mean, before when I was close to dying, I figured it'd be okay for you guys, less of a burden, because I'm not that important," she rambles, her string of words almost blending together in a lumpy mess. You're still able to catch that last line, and you grimace.

"Whoa, wait a minute there. _What?_ "

"I said that if I was the one to go it'd be okay because I'm not that important. I'm just that estranged aunt to the three of you, the kind that sends you taxidermy animals and denture cream on your birthday like it's normal. I'd be one less thing to worry about," she confesses. You furrow your brows, shaking your head.

"No, you are definitely not unimportant. God, Jade, you're so _fucking_ important. You're one of the most important people to--" She interjects.

"Yes I am, Dave!! No one would worry about me if I was gone!" she argues, crossing her arms, snarling at her face moves closer to yours.

"Yes they would!" you protest.

"Who would miss me if I was gone? Be honest," she challenges you. You feel fury bubble within your veins, but you notice something else that's there, something you never thought you'd _actually_ feel yourself. It was intense desire. You gaze at the scowl on her face, calculating if you'd be making the right decision, but for once you say _fuck calculating_ , because you'd rather act upon impulse. You lean in and press your lips against hers awkwardly, resting your left hand on her heated cheeks and the other on her bony shoulder.

She's shocked at first, but then eases up, snaking her right arm around your neck to bring you closer to her. You feed off of each other hungrily, giving in to the prolonged kiss of the century between the two of you. Her lips are like honey beneath yours and you run your tongue over the lower one, tracing over its ridges and hills and valleys with pure bliss before nibbling at it tenderly. You hear a small moan escape from her mouth, and you smile with satisfaction, removing your lips from hers reluctantly, only just to breathe. Hers linger for a moment, as if pleading for more, but you sit back to let the two of you digest what just occurred. You feel fire in your belly, welling with desire for the feeling of her skin pressed up against yours once again. She breathes heavily, flicking her tongue over her lips, her eyes slightly glazed over from returning back to planet Earth once again. You can relate, because even now just the scent of her lavendar condition rises to your nostrils, tempting you to go back in.

"Oh," she mumbles, gripping the side of her seat. "I suppose that's a reasonable answer." You lean your forehead against hers and chuckle, grinning as your noses touch.

"Am I still a stupid, insufferable prick with a Virility Complex?" you ask her. Her eyes widen as she leans back to playfully jab you in the arm.

"You asshole, you were listening in on our conversation the whole time!" she exclaims. You let out a peal of laughter, holding onto your stomach as you lean your head back. "No, you're still a stupid, insufferable prick, just not as much of one," she smiles. You reach over to run your fingers through the long strands of her hair and then tug her chin forward in order to kiss her again, feeling your heart practically bound out of your chest with euphoria.

\---------------------------------

When you open your eyes next day, you are pleasantly surprised to find Jade nuzzled into your chest, humming in her sleep some sort of tune, lost on you. Your chest still hurts from your incident, but you cope with the pain, thinking that it's worth it if you get to be with her. You rest your face in her hair, her snowy white dog ears twitching against your cheek. You reach over with your hand that isn't curled around her and scratch it, wondering if it . . . Jade's foot begins oscillating and you can't help but chuckle silently to yourself.

You contemplate remaining right in bed with her the whole day, just lying in bed with her pressed up against you, but a small rap from the door tells you otherwise. You sigh and slide carefully out from underneath Jade hoping to not disturb her during her slumber. She doesn't shift once, her eyes staying shut tight. You creep over to the door and open it, only leaving it ajar a smidgen. You find John standing on the otherside, his expression unamused.

"What do you want?" you whisper.

"We need to talk." You nod your head and exit silently, closing the door behind you. It occurs to you that it must be an Egbert-Harley thing, confrontation. Striders, on the other hand, well . . . You follow John down the hallway to the now-empty conference room. He sits down on one side of the table, gesturing for you to sit down at the other.

"What, are we have a meeting or some shit?" you ask, placing yourself in the seat across from him.

"Yeah, essentially," he answers. "I wanna talk to you about Jade." You're not wearing a collared shirt, but if you were, you'd be tugging on it right about now. You feel your throat run dry and your hands become slightly clammy with sweat.

"Uhhhhh," is all you're able to utter from your mouth. You didn't think you'd be having this conversation, let alone be receiving from your best friend.

"Listen, Dave, all I wanna know is that you'll be good to her. She's not only my sister but my friend, as well. Same goes for you. You know, it may not seem like we're that close, but I spent three whole years on a flying airship getting to know her, learning what a brother should be like. I tried to be there for her whenever she needed me. What I'm trying to say is, I just wanna make sure that you're gonna drop her without notice just because you think you're 'not deserving of her' or some shit like that. I just gotta know," John clarifies.

"Oh," is your only response. You try to piece together a sound enough answer for him, something sincere that won't sound stupid when it comes from your mouth. "I love Jade," is the result. ( _Good job, Strider. You and your diarrhea of the mouth._ ) You don't think John has a viable repsonse to that at first, but words eventually flow from his mouth.

"You be good to her." He gets up to leave, turning around one last time as he leaves through the doorway, a change in the tone of his voice as he waggles his eyebrows at you. "Oh, and I hope you're using protection." He disappears, leaving you flustered as all get out. You wanna shout something back to him but he's gone, just like the wind. You groan, slapping your hand on your face. You realize that he and everyone else here probably think you've been boning Jade the whole time and you storm off back to your room, wondering why everyone and their goddamn cousin wants to be all up in your non-existent sex life.

You return to your room to find Jade awake on your bed, feet dangling off the side.

"Where'd you go?" she wonders.

"Oh, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh," you drawl idiotically, trying to determine whether or not you want to tell her about the 'heart-to-heart' you just had with John. "John wanted to talk."

"About what? Was he trying to do the protective dad bit again? He did that with Davesprite, too, only that time he formulated a fake moustache and pipe, swatting him with a newspaper everytime he said something," she bemoans, unamused.

"Actually, yeah. You know, the kid may seem like a goof, but he really does care for you," you grin softly, plopping down next to her on the bed.

"What'd you say to him?"

"Come again?"

"You know, to get him off your grill or whatever you call it." You grit your teeth, wondering if you really should tell her what you told John.

"Well . . . I said . . . " _Shit. Shit. Shit. Should I tell her? I dunno, what if it's too early? What if she just laughs at me and ditches me? No, Jade wouldn't be like that. Would she?_ Jade tugs at your arm.

"C'mon, tell me! I'm sure it's not that bad," her goofy smirk spreads across her face, eyes aglow with curiosity.

"I told him that I loved you, Jade." She doesn't say anything or look at you for a minute, only keeping close watch with the cold, linoleum floor. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck I shouldn't have told her I shouldn't have told her I shouldn't have--_

"Well was it true?" You lick your lips, thinning them before you answer,

"Yeah, it is." Her eyes return to yours once again and she picks up your hand in hers tactfully, intertwining hers with yours, sun-kissed bronze against pale cream.

"I love you, too, Coolkid."

\-------------------------------

You know something is up when she lazily pulls you out of bed in the afternoon, no words spoken as she holds onto the tips of your fingers, stringing you along out into the hallway. Her instincts drag you to the meeting room, where the mass of your friends had collected. The two of you stand in the doorway, her arm laced around your waist, leaning against your side as the rest of the rooms eyes shift to look at you.

"What's going on?" you mutter, brow raised.

"It's none of your business, Strider. You and your girlfriend can return to your room and--" Karkat begins, but is shuffled aside by Rose.

"They need to know."

"But--" he attempts to protest, but she silences him with the raise of her palm.

"Dave's healed. He'll be ready." Karkat refrains from pressing the matter further, settling to return to the group.

"As I was saying, we've figured out a battle plan, one that's flawless this time. Well, damn near flawless," he corrects himself. "Rose has reviewed it several times and has said that she can almost guarantee that it's the right way to go. We're gonna split up again, but not into equal teams, tackling what we can take on. We'll send Dave to take care of Aranea and the rest of us will take on the liberty of distracting Jane."

"What about the drones?" you pipe up.

"We're going to slip past them. There's no need to take care of them if we just cut them off at the head," Karkat answers.

"Wait, so then who's going to take care of the royal bitch herself?" you demand. All eyes solemnly fall not on you, but the person beside you: Jade. Your eyes widen in distress.

"Oh _hell no_. That is not happening, I can tell you that," you growl. Rose rises to meet you at eye level.

"Dave, it's the only way. She's been one of two right-hand men for the Condesce for a while. If we can get her to convince the Condesce that she's still on her side, or at least figure out a way to take the Condesce out, then we'll have the vantage point." Her words flow out of your mouth into your ears, but you don't want to hear it. There was no way in hell that you were throwing Jade to the dogs.

"She is _not_ \--" you start to debate, but Jade's hand reaches over to your chest to hold you back.

"Dave, please," she says firmly, her sea-green eyes drowning you in sorrow. She turns her attention back to the group. "I'll go." You feel gears start to shift out of balance in your stomach, as if the parts don't fit together, keep colliding in a rusty, screeching mess. You can't lose her, no, not again. You refuse.

"Then it's settled. We'll initiate the mission soon, so everyone start preparing, god tier or not." Karkat ends the meeting with a mighty, brutal bang of his fist and everyone begins to disperse, pushing you aside as they exit the room. You lag behind, trying to digest the information that has filled your ears. You feel a cool hand on your shoulder, twisting your head to realize that Jade is still there.

"Dave, I--"

"You know what you said earlier when you were so infuriated with me for almost getting killed? You said that you couldn't imagine not having me in your life," you strain your voice, chest weighing down with an overwhelming amount of pressure suddenly. "I _can't_ lose you again, Jade, okay? I know it's stupid and selfish of me but it would hurt me way too much if you weren't on this earth. I don't think I'd ever be able to deal with the pain of losing you, not ever in a million years--" You feel her dust her fingers lightly over your cheek, and you notice that you were crying, for once in your stupid, fucked up life you were crying. She pulls you tightly to her, squeezing you as hard as she can. You wrap your arms around her and rest your face into her soft obsidian, breathing in her always fresh scent of lavendar that never seemed to leave her, no matter how unwashed and dirty you all may be.

"I'm sorry, Dave," she finally mumbles into your chest. "I just want to try anything to get us out of this game. I want us to win, Dave. I want us to win and to be free and not have to worry about a _damn_ thing anymore, and if that means risking my life, then I'll do it in an instant. I just want you and John and Rose to be happy again." The reality of her words settle in your mind and you no longer argue with her, recognizing how useless it would be to even try. Instead you stand there with her, not uttering another word, just holding her, trying to imprint this memory directly in your mind, to save for a rainy day if you ever need it.

\----------------------------------

"Are you ready to go?" She stands at your doorway in her dark god tier garb again, the corners of her mouth turned upward into a small, white-as-pearl buck-toothed grin. You slide your shirt over your head and then nod, joining her by her post. She grabs both of your hands in her soft, supple ones and stands on her toes to place a quick peck upon your lips. When she goes to set her feet back on the ground, you pull her into you and crash your lips upon hers, passionately, not daring for a moment to let go. You try and drink in all that is Jade Harley, trying to remember every last detail you can about her. You start with her image.

Jade Harley has always donned a pair of the goofiest, circular spectacles you could ever imagine, but somehow managies to make them look like the sexiest goddamn pair of glasses that ever seat foot upon the earth. Her sea-green orbs dance behind them, echoing the rushed waves of the ocean, always tossing and turning, never attempting to be what you expect. Her buck-teeth always stuck out, but never stopped shining like the freshest cut pair of diamonds you could find. Her bronze skin looks as if the sun had laid gentle kisses upon each and every inch of her, daring to try and eat her up with no succession. Her beautiful licorice hair twists and curls around her body delicately, and her legs are as long as the earth and sky would allow them to be.

Jade Harley had always been the goofiest girl you had ever talked to, her silly quirks and obsession with furries never ceasing to amaze you. What took your breath away the most was her ability to be so kind, so caring about every single person she'd ever met. She managed to keep talking to you regardless of how rude you were because she knew that you were only an angry preteen, using her as a way to vent your feelings to the world. And she would listen. Oh boy, would she listen to every last goddamn rap you would write, or ridiculous notion or idea you had concocted that day. She would listen and call you 'so cooool', meaning it sincerely with every last fiber of her being.

Jade Harley was smart. She was a goddamn science genius, always daring to know how each and every person and machine ticked alike. She was a brilliant mechanic, creating her own dreambot with her own two hands. She knew things you didn't know, but never made it seem like she was above you in any way. She took you as is and loved you as is, never daring to change you. And she was a lot more audacious than you were, facing certain and near imminent death like it was a walk in the park, all in the name of caring for her dearest friends in the entire world. Yes, Jade Harley was a hero.

After you're sure you've held onto every last detail you need to remember about her, you let her go, pressing your forehead against hers, breathing shallow. She peers up at you, her eyes aglimmer and she says,

"I love you, Dave," and you look back at her with your crimson eyes, full of every emotion you can muster for her and tell her,

"I love you, too, Jade."

 


End file.
